So now, seven years later, I find it interesting, fascinating, humbling, and incredible that one idea turned into a crazy journey with a major decision that led to struggles and challenges of a magnitude I would never have predicted, which resulted in another major decision in January of 2017 where I decided to move from West Palm Beach to Tampa, and how that decision resulted in changing my career path AGAIN, and how that led to me ending up living my best friggin life on St Pete Beach...
All because of an idea I had to accomplish some bucket list items and for accountability reasons, share it with the world. And how that "simple" challenge resulted with fun, life-changing, self-realizing moments, and I WANT TO DO IT AGAIN.
Honestly, I wish I had blogged more throughout the past six years, but I think I was scared of writing about my struggles. It's easier to write and share your highlight reel, but for several years I went through a lot of work, not a lot of fun, a bit of depression, a lot of frustration, a lot of crying, a lot of wine (more about that later), and feeling like I was in an endless cycle of working so hard, not being successful, and continuing to work harder because that should solve the problem. My income was decreasing, and I kept trying, and I was awful at my job (a sales role, and I am not a sales person).
Looking back, I needed that experience to help me land the amazing role I have now... but it was awful slugging through it. My self-worth was chipped away to non-existent. I am still working on building back my confidence, self-love, and knowledge that I AM ENOUGH. But I'm slowly getting back to Freaking Out With Joy.
They say life is full of ups and downs... and it's true. While my life might look like a lot of up's right now, know that I struggled through some awful times for several years... you might not know that based on the highlight reel I posted during those years, but I did. I actually ended up being diagnosed with depression, and I probably had been depressed for a lot longer than I thought, but was self-medicating with wine.
I'm proud of myself for fighting through it. I'm proud that I didn't quit, and I kept trying my hardest to make that sales role work. I'm proud that I finally realized that I wasn't a failure, but that I needed to pivot. I was not in the best role for me, the role that maximizes my talents and skills, and that it's OK to not be successful at everything you try to tackle. Not everything fits for you, and THAT IS OK. Not everyone can do the role you are successful in. That's why this world is beautiful.
This journey I've been on has led me to a place where I am beyond happy. Where my soul is nourished. Where I am starting to be at peace with myself. I still have hard days, and moments of self-doubt, and still self-sabotage, but blogging about my journey, I remind myself of what I need to be thinking of, and be aware of, and I am constantly working on trying to be a better version of ME.
